Endometriosis is a chronic disease that one in every ten women suffer from. Every woman has tissue inside their uterus but women with endometriosis have built up endometrium tissue outside of uterus that can’t brake down every month like other tissue which causes abdominal pain and many other symptoms. Some of the symptoms of endometriosis is severe abdominal and back pain before during and after a menstrual period. Pain during or after sex Bowel and bladder trouble and in lots of cases infertility. There is no cause of endometriosis and as of yet no cure as the tissue is most likely to grow back. I have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and I wanted to share this blog post as a way of making people more aware of this chronic disease and also how it effects people.
Anyone that has endometriosis probably knows that it is not easily diagnosed and a lot of the time people including myself can go on undiagnosed for years, told by doctors that “it’s just a bad period” and because you get told this so often you actually start to think your imagining the pain, and maybe it is just a “bad period”. So when you actually get told that there is something wrong with you and there is a name for it “endometriosis” there are some mixed emotions and these are some of the many reactions or emotions I felt and I’m sure many others have too.
Sitting in the hospital bed listening to the surgeon and gynecologist, after a laparoscopy still feeling the after effects of the anesthetic and the throbbing pain from the surgery eager to be told it was all worthwhile I actually felt myself smile when I heard my doctor say “so it turns out you do have endometriosis” before I could even take in the rest of what she was saying to me I just felt this sudden relief. Relief that I could finally put a name to what was wrong with me. I knew deep down there was something wrong even though I had been told by doctor’s nurses and Gynos that I was fine that every blood test, urine sample, internal examinations, external examinations, scans and ultra sounds were all clear and they showed no signs of what was wrong with me. At one point I was beginning to think that maybe I was just crazy and the pain wasn’t actually as bad as I thought it was until a gyno told me about a year ago that my symptoms sounded a lot like endometriosis but that’s all I was given, a name . No information, no proof nothing just a name. After many trips in and out of hospitals lots more tests, one gyno making a point of telling me that I could have a sexually transmitted disease 3 years after my first visit to a gynaecologist to top it all off. I eventually demanded I had a laparoscopy. So when I got the answer that I had waited years to hear I was relieved.
The relief didn’t last as long as I thought it would and a couple of days after the surgery still feeling tired and groggy from the anesthetic and sore from the operation I had time to think. Too much time, and I started to feel a little overwhelmed. I finally had an answer and I knew that there was something wrong with me so as great as it was to be able to say “I told you so” I started to want to take it all back and not face the truth that I had something wrong with me that wasn’t going away. Then when I started to think of that I realized I didn’t actually know much about endometriosis something I had to live with for the rest of my life. All I really knew was what I read online and the tiny bits of information that my Gyno had so kindly shared with me.
After I talked to my sister and boyfriend I started to feel a little less overwhelmed and thought I was doing well with my emotions the fear kicked in. the fear of living with this pain for the rest of my life, fear of letting it all get on top of me, stopping me from working when I was really bad or letting it stop me from going to social events with friends or worse effect my intimacy with my boyfriend and let it ruin my relationship. I’m only 22 I have a long life ahead of me I started to fear that I was going to let endometriosis take over that life.
I begin to face facts after a while and realised that my life wasn’t going to be the same and as much as I would have liked to pretend it would I knew things would be hard. Since I was a little girl I had one dream, have a family of my own. I never wanted a high shot career or to travel the world or make lots of money I just wanted a family. Get married and have kids. Having a baby means everything to me and I have met the man of my dreams, my future husband and now I have found out that I might not be able to give him that. The one thing I wanted from life, there is a small chance that it won’t happen, and the longer I wait to find out the less chance there is. That thought devastates me beyond words.
I realized It was time to start facing facts and stop thinking the worst. My life wasn’t over just because I was diagnosed with endometriosis . I have it and I have to get on with it. Easier said than done I know but I can’t let this thing defeat me. Don’t get me wrong I’m still scared but I have people around me who love me and support me and no matter what happens that isn’t going to change. When I was just 13 my big sister was diagnosed with a chronic illness too and every day since then I have watched her live her life like there is nothing wrong with her. Sure she has her bad days just like I will but if she’s thought me anything it’s that when that bad day is over you brush it off and get yourself back up again, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do too. I know it won’t be easy but I have endometriosis, it’s not who I am, so I’m not going to let it define me.
I hope this post was helpful to at least one person. I’m not much of a writer but I felt writing these things might help me and maybe other people going through the same thing.
Thanks for reading